There’s hardly any crime worse than victimizing yourself! Making yourself a victim, using all the wrong-doings by others as an explanatory model for your own shortcomings is a horrible betrayal to all that you truly are!
When I coach people this is often the hardest part for people to grasp but the most important one! We have all had experiences that we never would have chosen. I have the outmost respect for every trauma anyone ever had to endure BUT that’s why it’s crucial to stop giving it power! When we make ourselves victims of other peoples action or bad experiences we get stuck in thoughts that creates even more bad behaviors. Behaviors that never benefits our own growth. When we believe that the only way for us to move forward includes an excuse from the same people that has done us wrong we give away the power to heal ourselves. We keep on giving the power of our own being to people that already has proven themselves not to be worthy. I know the journey to get over things isn’t easy. It takes a lot of determination. But it’s so worth it! Give yourself the power to be you, don’t ever give that power away to anyone else. Giving that power to people who don’t deserve it is like asking people you hate to move into your house, you wouldn’t do that would you? No, you would kick them out! (You’ll find a great way of dealing with enemies here...)
An effective way of revealing your own dysfunctional explanatory models is listening to the words that come out of your mouth. Every time you say “but” or “if”, pay close attention on what comes after… My experience is that in 80 % of the times you’ll find an explanatory model that includes a bit of victimization. Sometimes it’s very sublime but listen carefully. And if you find yourself blaming others or all kinds of circumstances – STOP! Accept the fact that all of these explanations might have served a purpose at some stage in your life but they’re not beneficial. They deduct your own power, giving it away to things you can’t control.
So, when you’re brave enough to see that you’re victimizing yourself, be bold enough to say STOP! And hence give yourself the possibility to regain all the power that rightfully belongs to you!
You’ll find a great way of dealing with the past in a more constructive way here.